Self-Love: Awareness to Manifest Love and Joy
Self-love requires that we let go of old outmoded ways of thinking and instead move forward with clarity and awareness.
Some people think that when they hear those two little words “loving self” someone is becoming self-absorbed and selfish. However, to love someone else, to fully love, you have to first start with yourself. You have to have a sense of your worthiness: a sense of kindness towards yourself, truth within yourself. It’s really hard to fully love another if you don’t love yourself.
The Error of Self-Loathing
So, if you’re one of those people full of self-loathing, or you have stories from the past about how you can’t do it or how no one’s going to love you, then it’s time for you to re-evaluate.
Maybe you feel ashamed about some of the things you’ve done in your past. There could be many reasons for this self-loathing. It could be based on things people have said to you, or failed relationships and how you’ve been treated.
We are Mirrors of our Interactions
Typically, the reason why we go down that dark path is because of our interactions and different situations in our lives that have caused us to view ourselves in a certain way. Everything is a mirror. We’re part of that mirroring interaction where we become and see ourselves the way others see us. However, it is critical to realize that we are in control of the mirror.
Breaking Free from the Old Story
It’s imperative that we pull ourselves into alignment and take a look at those old stories. A healthy life requires breaking free and gaining that self-awareness so we can be the best version of ourselves. That is how we can then love others. We learn to be the most wonderful mother or father to our children, our friends, immediate family, and to our partner. It’s so important to have that sense of self, and to have that self-love.
Living From the Authentic Self
What is the authentic self? What does it mean to be genuine? The answer is that it starts with truth, really living in alignment with Truth. Shakespeare once said, “To thine own self be true.” This requires that we take the time to know ourselves, our patterns, and our dysfunction. That way, we can re-structure, re-frame, and let go of outmoded versions of ourselves.
So how do we get beyond our old stories?
We learn to clean our own mirrors: get all those blemishes off, all those dirty spots that block you from being the most vibrant spiritual self.
Gaining Clarity of the Truth
Each of us was born free, unique, creative, and with great potential. This is who we are when we are in alignment with our true selves. Somehow, we lose that as we grow. The good news is that we can regain this exalted state of being if we gain clarity of where the truth lies and where the old patterns and dysfunctional ways end.
Being clear on understanding how you feel, and what you need is the best approach to your own life. Instead of reacting, and working from the program, you move to higher ground and higher consciousness. This way you avoid jumping to conclusions, blaming, pointing fingers being trapped in the victimization story.
This is what Shakespeare was talking about: having a great awareness of self. And by having this awareness, we can tap into an integral place of functioning, of being, of living, of dancing in our lives and moving forward. We begin to relate with ourselves and with others in full integrity, with kindness and love, forgiveness and understanding.
Authentic Self Leads to Purpose
Living in that integrity is so beautiful when we can find it, then from that space to move into our purpose. It is very satisfying to have an understanding of why we are here on this earth and what we’re meant to do. This is true self-love: to get a sense of your purpose and to live in that place of serving others, helping others, helping yourself, and doing that with joy.
Furthermore, if you can bring this version of yourself to a relationship, what a powerful relationship that would be. And if your partner brings an authentic version of themselves, you can now forget the codependency, forget the old mind games. It really becomes a new dynamic. That’s why our couples retreats here at SpiritQuest Sedona Retreats emphasize relationship tools, but first we start with a deep look at one’s self.
Awareness and Conscious Living
How do we become more aware? First of all is to do what I call “personal check-ins.” We do this by having that conversation with ourselves: How are you doing today? What do you need? How have you been acting? We take the time to be present, to self-evaluate, asking ourselves, How did you do in that situation? Did you take the higher road, or did you take the lower road? What do you need to do to fix it, to rectify it? Do you need to write that letter? Do you need to apologize? Can you do better next time? It’s really the self-evaluation, whether it is through journaling or whether it is through meditation and contemplating your day. You become a better person by being aware of yourself.
In contrast, being on remote control and automatic pilot is the old way of doing it, the old consciousness. We are moving on this planet to a higher consciousness. It’s important to have those daily check-ins, looking in that mirror and seeing any spots that are appearing. Then you can get that tissue out, clean it up, and move forward with a clean palette. This way you learn to be your own best advocate, not expecting someone else to advocate for you.
Be Your Own Best Advocate
It’s wonderful to have family and friends and a partner advocate for you, but it’s not their responsibility. That’s the icing on the cake. It’s your responsibility to be your own best advocate. It’s your responsibility to take a deep hard look at yourself, to look at yourself in the mirror and say, how am I doing this life of mine?
This requires brutal honesty with yourself. And if you have to reach out to professionals, to give you some tools, to help you out, to unravel it, then so be it. Sometimes these old stories are deeply ingrained, it’s very hard to break free from them. But you can do it! Now is the time to re-create yourself.
The Pitfall of Depleting Yourself
A key factor is to learn to not collapse yourself: to not disappear into a relationship, to not disappear into that people pleaser mentality. You may think the more you do and the more you give, the more you’ll be loved.
That is a pitfall. The result will be completely depleting yourself and then trying to give from an empty cup. And what comes from giving from an empty cup is sickness. We get very, very sick, maybe in our bodies because we’re just stuffing it, or we get resentful.
Slowly these things build. Maybe we don’t then like ourselves because we know these things on a deep level. As a result, we numb ourselves. We don’t want to feel it so we turn to drinking, drugs, gambling and all those negative things just so we don’t have to take a good hard look at it.
The Beauty of Healthy Boundaries
If instead, we learn healthy boundaries and when to say “yes” and when to say “no” we become a much more genuine person. We focus on the self-reflection questions of:
Who am I? What do I believe in? What’s the healthy way of approaching situations? As well as: Have I forgiven everyone in my life? And have I forgiven myself? Do I keep my side of the street clean? Do I keep refraining from blaming everyone else or expecting everyone else to give to me?
You are the leader. You are the one who has the freedom of your own life to create your own boundaries and break your own chains. Yes, break your own chains.
Contraction Versus Expansion
Eckhart Tolle talks about contraction and expansion. When we contract, we turn to the negative in our lives. When we expand, we are open to all that the Universe presents to us. Are you continually contracting? Are you continually saying no to your life? Are you telling yourself, “No, I can’t do it?” Or, “No, I’m not good enough?”
A contracted state is a state of “the little you.” Contraction is driven by fear. It results in sending a resounding “NO” to the Universe. This point of view results in staying in a place of potential instead of actualization.
Conversely, living in an expanded state is a state of returning to who you really are. You continually say, “Yes, yes, I can do this. Yes, I am free. Yes, I am beautiful. Yes, I am smart. Yes, I am worthy. I was born worthy.” And you know you have this connection with your higher self and with Spirit. It is you who believe, on a deep level, that you are good and that you can create a beautiful life.
Living from the YES of Life
This is living in the yes, living in the expansive state, the state of freedom, the state of purity, the state of focus, the state of clarity, of positivity, and love. And this results in living a life connected to yourself, your higher source, and the purity of love.
It all comes back to LOVE, which starts with self-love. You are love. And all around you is love. And so, I would encourage you to find that place of self-love. And if you can’t find it, reach out to SpiritQuest Sedona Retreats. We’re here to help you gain the tools you need to find that lovely, serene place of peace and love.
