Self-Love to Strengthen Your Relationship
There are 6 ways to develop self-love and by doing so, improve your relationship. The way you view yourself and the way you treat yourself will definitely impact your relationship. The same is true for your partner. In this article we will explore various aspects of self-care as well as how your partner may view it.
1. Space and Independence
First and foremost, ALL relationships must maintain a certain degree of space and independence. Without this, you can quickly find yourself “losing yourself” in your relationship. Your self-care starts with embracing your life as YOURS: the good, the bad, and the ugly. When you accept your journey as yours and yours alone, you are headed in the right direction.
While others may influence you, in the end, you are the only one who can “live in your truth.” This is called Authentic Living. Self-love is about nurturing yourself. Living in your truth calls for compassion, insight, forgiveness, and clear vision. When you develop a practice of being kind, understanding, and not taking things personally, you discover that when you are the best person you can be, you then become the best partner you can be.
2. Spiritual Alignment Within
When you develop a spiritual practice where you live ethically, you leave behind meanness, control, back-biting, selfishness, manipulation, power-plays, and victimization. Standing tall and strong (and maintaining a “mile-high” perspective) allows you to move away from the tornados in life and back to your center. Afterall, the eye of the storm is always calm.
Such an approach allows you to be immersed in self-love, be strong and independent in your thought and emotional state, and to be more objective and not so triggered. You can remove yourself when there is a lot of charged energy in the relationship and return to talk about it when the “anger” has subsided.
3. Positive Boundaries for Self-love
Maintaining your independence and emotional control manifests as positive boundaries. Positive boundaries are critical for self-care and self-love. Positive boundaries means that we consider others and their needs with compassion, but we also assess how the needs of others impact our own needs. At times, sacrifice is critical. Other times call for learning how to say no.
When traveling on a plane, you are always instructed to put the oxygen mask on yourself before putting it on your loved one. The reason being, if you “save” the child and then pass out, you will no longer be of assistance to that child. It is critical to care for yourself first (not in an egoic, selfish way). Instead, self-care driven by a healthy spiritual practice shows itself by self-nurturance. We best serve others from a glass that is overflowing rather than trying to pour from a depleted place.
Be the Light, Light the Way
Positive self-boundaries inspire others to do the same. Instead of always seeking validation and support from those around us, becoming self-sufficient, and emotionally balanced provides independence and self-confidence. Be the light for others to follow, rather than becoming the only candle someone else has and having to light their flame. Light your own flame instead!
Your partner will appreciate the clarity. Your relationship will benefit by each person having clear and kind boundaries full of love and compassion.
4. Self-love with Personal Check-ins
Personal Check-ins involve raising your own self-awareness. Remember the Shakespearean adage “To thine own self be true?” or the philosophical maxim inscribed above the entrance to the Temple of Apollo at Delphi “Know Thyself?” These wise words compel us to go deeper with our thoughts, our feelings, our needs, and our souls.
How can our partners support us if we never clearly communicate what we need? Furthermore, how can we support ourselves if we don’t truly know who we are and what we desire for happiness. Personal check-ins daily allow us to have that time in the day to be present with ourselves.
How do you feel? What do you need? How are you going to get it? These types of questions cause us to have deep reflection of our own motives, and thus self-correct before we bring the issue to our partners. What a perfect way to develop a relationship!
5. Taking the Higher Road
When we self-correct we become our own best advocates. Through our self-examination we can assess whether we are being fair, reasonable, calm, kind, helpful, and supportive. Ironically, our most stressful situations can be our greatest teachers. When we are confronted with a challenging scenario, the way we choose to react will determine whether we are taking the higher road, or modeling the very behavior we despise.
This spiritual practice builds self-esteem and self-love. We feel good about the choices we made and the way we responded (or lack of response) to a potentially volatile situation. In this way, our “enemies” become our greatest teachers.
The practice of taking the higher road requires having tools to fall back on. Perhaps instead of yelling, we go for a walk. Instead of hiding we stand in the light and speak how we feel. We become more centered and balanced. We move away from harmful behaviors such as lies, blindsiding, seeking revenge, gaslighting, belittling, and judging.
Instead, taking the higher road improves the relationship by always giving our partners the benefit of the doubt and seeking to reach a compromise. We become more compassionate thus making intimacy grow.
6. Living in Trust, not Fear
Choosing to trust the Universe, to trust ourselves, and to trust our partners results in more connection and peace. Our self-love becomes self-confidence. Working on ourselves to dispel the angst that is so prevalent in today’s world is the greatest gift we can give to ourselves and our partners. It is truly one of the most important aspects of self-love.
Sometimes we need to reach out to professionals to help provide us with additional tools and insights. Sometimes we need a good mirror, who is not our partner. When we get perspective on our fears, we begin to realize that most of them are rooted in self-loathing or the inability to understand our own self-worth. A great deal of what we worry about never comes to pass. The result of excessive worrying is to cause complete depletion of self. Then our health starts to decline. Instead, a strong spiritual practice, along with tools for balance and alignment secure our future for a better life ahead.
SpiritQuest Sedona Retreats
This is where a personal retreat comes into play. Whether a self-love healing retreat to deal with your own issues, or a couples retreat to gain tools for your relationship, SpiritQuest can help.
We provide an in-depth perspective and knowledge to help you let go of the past and step into your beautiful future. Our retreats take place 7 days a week and are based on tried-and-true principles of healthy living.
Our practitioners are heart-centered and provide you with a plethora of techniques and insights for you to begin loving yourself once again. The result is a happy, connected, loving relationship with yourself and those around you. Call us today for a free intake!
